well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
