3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
