I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
