matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize