erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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