Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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