we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Randomize
