I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
