so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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