I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
