is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
