I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
