I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
