Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
