You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
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