Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
