the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
