Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
accomplished twins. life is a go
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
