I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
