Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
