I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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