Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
