cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
