I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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