Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
