How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Buhtt sex?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
this hospital has no fireball
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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