apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
