Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
