Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize