i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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