I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
