he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
