to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
