Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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