the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
