i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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