I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Panties = found
Randomize
