So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
