He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
