He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
These tits shall not be calmed
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
