Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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