Ambien. No doubt about it.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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