I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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