He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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