and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We left the knife in your bed.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
