Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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