apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
