I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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