Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
