Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
