Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
