i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
