I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
