New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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