I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
