If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
