so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize