I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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