i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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