Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
