Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize