false alarm. still invincible.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
