how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
