I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
