guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
