thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
In other news, I just burned my penis
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
