Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
