When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
as a side note pls kill me
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
