I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
