Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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