Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
