Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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