Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
