Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Sext me about skeletons
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i out mim tonsoeep
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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