i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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