Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
