It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
