I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
