I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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