maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
