Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
