Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
