Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
