barbara walters just said penis...
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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