Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
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