She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
