My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
