just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
