Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
