hotel room ftw
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
