She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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