the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
she peed on how many people?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
