Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
