I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
