hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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