I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
