I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
