I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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