whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
