Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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