Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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