I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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