So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
it's like iHOP with fire
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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